Wednesday 23 August 2017

A Little Life Update

Holy crap you guys I'm a Mum?! I've not had a chance to sit and think about it really but wow, that's actually happened, this is my life now? And I love it. 

All I wanted since I was 16 was to be a Mum and raise a child and now it's actually happening; I'm living my dream. Although I could do without the random bouts of hysterical crying that I don't know how to stop. Otherwise motherhood is exactly how I thought it would be and I love it. I finally feel like I have a purpose in life and don't feel quite as lost as I used to. 

Charlie seems to have settled into a routine already, and only wants feeding every three hours. That's pretty good for me because it means I can either get a decent nap in the day, or do some blog work. Although I spend most of my day cuddled up with him, binge watching Being Human on Netflix. But I seem to be recovering from my multiple surgeries pretty well so I can take him for walks in the pram most days; as long as I have somewhere to stop and rest for a bit. 

Everyone is really impressed with how well I'm doing actually. Considering what I went through and now have to live with (or without, rather) I'm physically and mentally doing great. Of course there's still time for it to affect my mental health and I have no doubt that it will but right now I'm doing okay and focusing on being a Mum to my beautiful boy. But mostly I'm just tired and a bit sore. Although the soreness is sometimes replaced by heaviness, like I've been stuffed with a brick or something, and that can make walking difficult. It still bloody hurts to cough too, so naturally I choke on everything I eat and drink. 

My midwife Debbie is trying to set me up an appointment to speak to someone who knows what I went through to find out more details like what other procedures they tried before settling for that one and why that was the one that worked. People assume I want to know why I needed the surgery, why I couldn't stop bleeding but I've already accepted that there might not be an explanation for it, I don't care about why it happened. I just want to know what happened while I was out cold. How close I came to dying. Mum wants to know if I'm going to go through menopause sooner rather than later. 

I'm considering writing a post with all the answers when I have them, but I can't guarantee that I will remember all the details properly. Although I'll probably take notes. I don't know. The longer I have to wait for my appointment, the more nervous I get. 

I'm still nervous as hell about dating one day. At what point do you tell a potential partner that you can't have any more children? I should stop worrying about it really, it's going to be a long time before I start dating again but it's always there in the back of my mind. Maybe I just won't date again, being single is so much easier anyway. 

I seem to have lost all the weight I can lose without working for it. I lost a stone and a half in three weeks so now I'm only two stone away from my target weight! Although I would be happy to only lose one more stone and tone up. Although I probably won't be able to start toning up until next year, but I'm going to see how my recovery goes. Honestly I just want to start now but I know I'll do myself more damage than good so I just have to stick with the walking, eventually build up to yoga and then start working out properly. I've never been so excited to exercise! 

So yeah, in a nutshell I'm doing okay.

1 yorum:

  1. He's so gorgeous, you're so lucky. It sucks what happened but at least you've been blessed with one little chap! I'm a tiny bit older and you'll find when /if you do start dating a lot of people already have kids so it might not be too much of an issue :) I love this post and I've a huge of your blog! Hope you're having a lovely day xxx