Wednesday, 8 November 2017

I'm Not OK

I'm really struggling lately. I've not been great for a while but the last couple of weeks my mood has completely dropped, and this week especially...I don't know what's happened to me. 

Mentally I've been doing better than anyone would have expected after my trauma but I think suddenly everything has piled up and it's all getting to me. I feel exhausted, unmotivated and generally just don't want to be around anyone right now. Unfortunately, that includes Charlie. Don't get me wrong, I still love being a Mum and I love him more than anything but I really just need some 'me' time. But then I feel guilty for wanting that. 

I curse myself now for wasting so much time before having a baby, and now I'm praying for some time to actually finish a task or read a few chapters of a book. I can't remember the last time I actually got to finish something before having to tend to Charlie. I don't want to come across as resenting him because I really don't but damn, Mum life is exhausting. I also really underestimated how much I enjoy being by myself for a bit.

I guess what I need to say is that I'm drained and I need to recover. And maybe get someone to babysit for a couple of hours. 

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