Monday, 29 May 2017

An Open Letter: Dear Ash

It's been just over a month now and everyday I struggle with not having you to kiss, hold, or even talk to. Even though we occasionally talk it's not the same as it was. It feels awkward and forced, and I hate every minute of it. I'm sure you do too.

I can't decide if it's better that we have Charlie to keep us connected or not: maybe a clean break would have been easier. It feels very unfair that he's the only reason we still talk. There's no doubt in mind that I would have never heard from you again if I wasn't carrying your child. Even now we only talk because I text you first about Charlie-related things.
I really hope you can move past our problems once Charlie is here, I want nothing more than for us to work and be a little family like we planned. I know that's all you want as well. I know you need time but I feel like I'm running out, and the longer we're apart the less likely it is I'll get you back. You've already told me not to wait for you, that you "don't know if and when things happen for us." My heart breaks just a little bit more every time I think of you saying that. "Don't wait for me" sounds like you've already given up on us but aren't ready to fully admit it.
It was only a few months ago that you were buying Charlie an outfit for our wedding, and now it might not be happening at all. Although if I do get you back the first thing I'm going to do is get you down the aisle! This isn't how it was meant to be. I know our relationship has always been rocky but I don't care. Despite our differences and fiery tempers; we work. I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else.

You'll always be in my heart, but I want you in my arms.You're my world.